I’m out in a bar and I start talking to some dude who was willing to speak English with me. Some folks simply turn away when the English starts – but I suspect it’s because they don’t really speak English. But I digress…
So I’m talking with this dude in a bar and we’re actually having a good conversation even though I don’t really understand half of what he’s saying and I don’t think he understands me all that well either (I find conversations with strangers are much more enjoyable when I don't really know what they're about).
Anyhow, about half way through the night he invites me to go to this other bar and I’m like, “OK, what the fuck else am I going to do?” So we head out of the bar and to the next bar – which turns out to be this little place with no windows about 15 minutes away. Now when I see a bar with no windows I immediately start to get worried. I mean, I’ve seen some weird shit in my day and it’s always been in places without windows. So I’m already expecting some freaky deeky when we pull up.
As we’re getting ready to go in he says, “Oh I forget to mention that this is a naked bar.” And I’m like, “A naked bar? What does that mean? There are strippers or something?” And I’m instantly a little excited as I do like me a good strip show – even though no one seems to work the pole anymore. Seriously, some places don't even have poles anymore - what the fuck is with that? Pole dancing seems to be a dying art form, but again I digress…
So I’m like, “Naked bar? Qu’est-ce que c’est ca?” Then he says, “No not strippers. Everyone in the bar is naked. You have to check all your clothes at the door and be naked in the bar.” And I thought to myself, “Oh so that’s why there are no windows – that makes sense.” Now I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes, so it didn’t really dawn on me that I had to be naked as well. So we head in and when the guy at the door hands me a bag – a clear trash bag at that – for me to put my clothes in, it finally registers.
So, at this point I’m like, “Fuck it. It’s weird but I’ve done plenty of weird shit before.” So, as I’m stripping off my kit (except for my shoes) I say, “Usually you have to buy me dinner before you get to see me naked.” Which is totally a lie as I’m kind of a slut – but I thought it was funny (and so did he).
After I get all naked, I then go into the bar where there are about 30 naked dudes of all shapes and, ummm, sizes. It was surreal and normal at the same time. The guy buys me a drink and I’m thinking that I’m going to start seeing some really freaky shit – like a group orgy on the bar or mass fisting or some really freaky shit I hadn’t even thought of yet.
But we just stood there talking and I started thinking, “OK now what? When does the madness ensue?” He must see this on my face because he says, “It’s just like any other bar – you drink and talk – just here you do it naked.” Now, it's not that I didn't like the scenery (or some of the scenery anyway), but it’s weird just to be hanging out in place while your bits and pieces are there for all to see.
So I ask, “Why would you just hang out naked? If it's not a freakfest then why be naked?” And then he explains that he’s a nudist and that he goes on nudist vacations to places where nudists go and that it’s so much better than wearing clothes, blah, blah, blah…. And I think, “Freak!” So after about half an hour I say that I need to head home. Frenchie offers to take me home but I decline and tell him he should stay. Then I get the hell out of there.
So I don’t really know where I am and am trying to find a metro station when it dawns on me that A) I’m a little drunk and B) I really need to pee. So I see this dark corner of a building that seems secluded and deserted and head on over to take care of some business.
After peeing, I start walking down the street to find the metro and thinking to myself, wow that building I just peed on is huge – it goes on for like miles. Then I see a gate of some sort and look in to realize that – I pissed on the Louvre. It was that back of the Louvre – but the Louvre none-the-less. It was completely unintentional, as I’ve been trying to be good about the public urination here in Europe, but I did, in fact, pee on the Louvre (and that might be my favorite thing I did in
