Getting Stalked by a Mime

OK, so I'm not having much luck with the whole getting laid thing here in the UK. I'm just getting used to how it works but it's very weird. From what I've worked out thus far, when in a pub if you make any sort of eye contact with someone (anyone really) then they just come and stand by you and don't say antyhing.

It's a strange phenomenon really. Last night I made eye contact with this dude and then two seconds later he's standing right on the side of me. Just standing there. No saying hi, no head nods, not even a wink. Now I used to think that winking was the creepiest thing someone could do in these situations, but I was WRONG. Sidling up to someone who, in this case, accidentally made eye contact with you and just standing there as if you didn't just cross a crowded club to stand on the side of me is truly creepy. It's like getting stalked by a mime.

So just when I'm ready to to discount the phenomenon as a fluke, it happens again. Then again after that - all told it happened about 4 times. Now, don'te get me wrong, I don't need to know someone's name to shag him (see I'm picking up the lingo), but some sort of vocal interaction is usually necessary.

So then I sit down on the side of two, rather lovely, lesbians (the kind the breeders masturbate to) and describe my situation. Apparently this is common practice here in the UK. I could have tried to strike up a conversation with the mimes (which may or may not have been appreciated) or just taken them to the toilet (and I am way to old to be having sex in a toilet).

So instead, the lesbos and I spent the night making fun of this girl who was secretly in love with her fag and doing eveything she could to draw his attention from the boy (they were young) he was with. It was quite the spectacle.

Then I went to take a leak and when I opened the stall door (yes I use stalls - I have enough trouble with urinals, there's no way I'm going to master the "trough" they have here) there's a surpise waiting for me. Some dude is sitting on top of the toilet tank wanking it like there was no tomorrow. It was something to see.

So I need to either get better at picking up a mime or learn how to masturbate in a hostel. I'm not sure which one is easier...

Tranny Smackdown

So I went out last night and had a little too much to drink (it happens). So I'm walking back to the hostel and for some reason find myself talking to some tranny who may or may not have been a hooker. If he/she was - I'm sure he/she doesn't do very well.

So anyway, this part gets a little hazy but apparently I needed directions back to the hostel as I'd gotten a little turned around and it charged me £20 for directions and then tried to walk away. Now, if I weren't completely drunk I would not have paid for directions but I was, so I did. I was not a fan of being robbed by a tranny so I started following shim around telling everyone he/she talked to that shim was a thief and a liar. I must have done this for a good hour and the tranny was getting very angry but I was drunk so I didn't really care.

So after an hour of this, the tranny decided that it was going to play rough and started smacking me and then tried to kick me in the balls. It missed and I grabbed the foot making shim fall to the ground. I then went into it's purse and grabbed my £20 and a little extra for my trouble and ran like hell. I could hear it yelling for like 3 blocks - crazy!

So that's my first weird London story - I'm sure there will be more to come.